You talk to him sober by talking to him sober, but you’re never going to be able to talk him out of his fears. His fears are something he is going to have to conquer or not conquer on his own accord. You won’t be able to make him face them if he’s not ready to & that could break your heart even more.
I know all this shit because of experience. It almost killed me trying to make him be brave & it almost killed me even more when all my trying to be there for him & help him to make the leap made no difference in the end.
I thought my heart was permanently broken too. I thought he was “the one”, but you know what? The one would’ve been brave. Honestly, his girlfriend can have him. I have something better now, someone who doesn’t tell me I’m their soul-mate while falling asleep next to someone else each night.
Sometimes it takes letting go & finding someone who will show up for you every single fucking day no matter how scared they are to realize how fucked up an excuse “fear” is. When you find the love that is sacrificial, that would chase after you when you walk out during a fight, that would do anything in their power to keep you, you’ll realize that there is a difference between the love that is good for you, the love that is whole & real & unshakeable, & the love you currently want as badly as you do because you’ve been programmed to believe that the only worthwhile love is a love you have to walk through hell to even obtain.
If he wants you badly enough, he’ll do what it takes either now or later & you can’t put your life & heart on hold for a later that may or may not come. Love yourself first. Talk to him, ask him if he’s willing to do what it takes without staying in limbo for months on end. If he gives you an excuse on why he can’t be with you now, well, that’s when you walk the fuck away, because there’s nothing romantic about having to try to convince someone just to be with you. The right person won’t need convincing.