"Make what you can out of nothing, keep bluffing your way to extinction. You’re a sick fuck to think that this, unlike anything else, will last forever.  (…) You see what you miss, but you can’t stand to be near her. It’s bigger than that you realize, but short-sighted impulses own what’s left of your dignity. Tell yourself quietly, don’t plow the field yet. You’re waiting to grow some new life from retrospect. You know free agency pays little in the long run, but you just don’t feel like your legs are that tired yet. (…) Maybe someday we will meet & I can thank you without strings. All these befores that get drilled on long after, it’s all just leverage when you’re sure that it’s over. (…) She used to whisper your name like a refrain & when she held you, you know you felt safer, but your demons are fucking huge, you stack your deck to lose, you say there’s nothing you can do. Well, we all know you’re lying."

Yet, I didn’t understand that she was intentionally disguising her feelings with sarcasm; that was usually the last resort of people who are timid and chaste of heart, whose souls have been coarsely and impudently invaded; and who, until the last moment, refuse to yield out of pride and are afraid to express their own feelings to you.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from Underground (via fables-of-the-reconstruction)

Don’t you see it another way
back in the ridges that bore you, that nature knitted for you?
I don’t know, but something keeps getting in the way
of our orderly patrolling of these rooms.
I suppose it’s that I want to go back, really …

John Ashbery, from “The Old House in the Country,” Your Name Here: Poems (Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, 2000)

(via fables-of-the-reconstruction)

Sylvia Cath likes the new digs in House Moriah.


New rug isn’t in the pictures, but I had to hulk strength move furniture to lay it down on the floor. The beer in the last picture was well-deserved. My toe hurts though (I killed it a few days ago trying to avoid Miss Cath). But, hey, stuff. Now it’s time for brain related type schemes. x

Anonymous asked:

Ok so I'm having a dilemma. There is this guy, who I'm pretty certain has a crush on me after we hung out at a party together...I was drunk/being overly friendly and he might have taken it to mean more than it did to me. He's friends with my bf and knows our relationship is solid, but he keeps texting me/insinuating things, etc. I don't want to be mean to him, and I'd rather be on good terms with him since my bf is friends with him. How do I let him down if he won't admit his feelings? Should I?

This is going to be short, so forgive me, but it’s pretty simple so it doesn’t need a ramble.

Ignore his texts. You ain’t got no reason to be texting with one of your bfs friends on any regular basis anyway. If that doesn’t work, tell him you don’t feel comfortable with the line of texting that’s going on. If he keeps going, block the number. Bam.

You also might want to tell your bf what is up, because wow that friend is kind of a jerk for even making moves on you no matter if you were exceptionally friendly while drunk or not. It also is just the honest & communicative thing to do, ya know, to let your partner know what’s going on & etc.

Good luck. xx

Anonymous asked:

i am a hopeless romantic and want to love, but at the same time i find myself terrified of losing myself, of falling too hard and giving my everything all at once just to lose it all - i am scared that love will swallow me whole and engulf my life with such intensity that i will never recover. i once thought that those who loved the most were the happiest, but with great love comes great sorrow, and i am afraid. i have never truly loved but i am frightened of loving so deeply that i forget me.

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.” — William G.T. Shedd

I heard this somewhere, that if you’ve never had a bad apple, then would you really know how great a good apple exactly is? I mean, sure, it’d still taste good to us, but we’ve all had that horrible mealy apple & it makes the crunchy bite with juice running down your hands & chin experience of a good apple all that more appreciated.

Love hurts. There’s no denying it. The greater the love, the greater the pain that will be experienced, but there is the flip side of the great joy that you can get from big love. The happy tears, the grins that hurt your cheeks, the laughter that hurts your stomach, the morning kisses, the two A.M. “I love you. I just wanted you to know” texts, the sweet ache tug of missing them, the all-nighters spent just talking & fucking, & the way they balance you & you balance them. We all have flaws & the trick is to find a person with complementary flaws. We all have scars & demons & the trick is in finding someone who still sees you as beautiful even when you are at your worst.

Someone told me once that love brings up all things unlike itself for release & healing. It sort of explains why when we really fall in love, we act like idiots & jerks & we either make it to the other side still holding hands with our love or we let the little things become more important than the love we know we feel.

I was reading the other day that statistically we only really fall in love two to four times in our lifetime (on average). I was also reading that most couples who are together today are not couples in love, but couples who have grown to love each other in the way that is done with close friends. Some people may prefer that sort of relationship, since it does carry with it less of a soul-crushing risk, but it’s not what I want. I want to be driven absolutely mad with my love. I want to see the sun in their eyes. I want the burn & I am willing to fight for love, because I know what true love feels like & the joy, to me, outweighs even the worst heartaches. I remember the person who broke my heart the worst with a tenderness & I understand that maybe he just wasn’t ready for the type of love that asks for sacrifice, that is the big risk, that could, in his words, entirely rip him to shreds. Either way, he was the love of my life & I acted like a tool & he got scared & we let things fall apart. It sucked, but it’s up to every person to decide what type of love they are the happiest with & I don’t want to knock anyone’s relationship because it’s whatever works for you.

But for me, there’s nothing more gorgeous than losing yourself to true love, even if only for a time. To me, there’s nothing this life is really about other than that. It’s the only magic we have.

I recovered from the greatest loss of love that I have yet to experience in my life. When I say that, I’m saying a lot. My life has been littered with loss, but pain can show you how strong you are & if you can learn how to love & forgive through any storm, then you’ll be okay no matter what. If you want big love, then you must believe in your ability to steer your ship no matter what waves come your way. You’ll be great. :)

“It is only with true love and compassion that we can begin to mend what is broken in the world. It is these two blessed things that can begin to heal all broken hearts.” ― Steve Maraboli

True love is rare, so when you find it, take care of it. It’s a fragile being & like a wild horse, spook it & it will run.

“It is with true love as with ghosts. Everyone talks of it but few have seen it.” ― François La Rochefoucauld

I didn’t fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we’d choose anyway. And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.

New phones are like a new start. :) This is the second phone I’ve ever bought via my own means & is way cooler than the one I got a year ago. Plus, my old phone had too many memories attatched to it. This one is all fresh & clean & ready for new memories. XD

Sometimes little things like this make me super proud of myself. I have changed so much as a person in the last two years & I came out of all that darkness as a motherfucking boss of forgiveness & independence. 

*self-love post now over*

New phones are like a new start. :) This is the second phone I’ve ever bought via my own means & is way cooler than the one I got a year ago. Plus, my old phone had too many memories attatched to it. This one is all fresh & clean & ready for new memories. XD

Sometimes little things like this make me super proud of myself. I have changed so much as a person in the last two years & I came out of all that darkness as a motherfucking boss of forgiveness & independence.

*self-love post now over*

In my mind I am eloquent; I can climb intricate scaffolds of words to reach the highest cathedral ceilings and paint my thoughts. But when I open my mouth, everything collapses.

Isaac Marion, Warm Bodies (via avvfvl)

(via 0aklungs)

Life consists of rare, isolated moments of the greatest significance and of innumerably many intervals, during which at best the silhouettes of those moments hover about us. Love, springtime, every beautiful melody, mountains, the moon, the sea — all these speak completely to the heart but once, if in fact they ever do get a chance to speak completely. For many men do not have those moments at all, and are themselves intervals and intermissions in the symphony of real life.

Friedrich Nietzsche, Human, All Too Human (via c-ovet)

(via dieworten)

You made me confess the fears that I have. But I will tell you also what I do not fear. I do not fear to be alone or to be spurned for another or to leave whatever I have to leave. And I am not afraid to make a mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake and perhaps as long as eternity too.

James Joyce, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (via dieworten)

(via dieworten)

1. Your eyes will be fireflies. Boys will want to catch them
(you) & keep your flickering body in a jar until the light goes out.
I’ll resurrect electricity when I find you on the porch.

2. Your father might leave. Your mother might teach you the wrong
words for this. Everyone will be scared of the ending world
but I will build a new one & promise not to turn to ash,
to call love everything except

For awhile, all our mothers must burn.

3. You might kiss girls. You might not be
a girl at all. Your body might be at war
with your heart. You’ll take up arms, but find
a peace treaty. I’ll bandage the wounds
& feed the troops & swear not to make jokes
about my own body being Switzerland.

I won’t make any jokes at all. I’ll practice
my pronouns.

4. If you meet the ugly of the world,
kill it with kindness & refuse to turn
your saliva to vinegar.

5. Our family has strong arms, but if the bridge collapses
& the current sweeps you under,
remember that I can dive.

Our lungs are even stronger.

6. There are monsters under the bed, but
they are only our own. We make them when we
refuse to love ourselves.

7. This life is about learning
everything we can learn & trying
our best not to hurt anyone. Do not
sharpen your knowledge into a knife.
You’ll only cut yourself.

I’ll stop the bleeding if you do.

8. You’ll see my own scars & this is where
you’ll remember

all mothers must burn, that everything
in life sets itself on fire.

The forest will fall to the ground
but grow again—more wild.

The burns are saying that everything here
survived to show you how.

Moriah Pearson, to my future child